What a weekend, what a day, what a lot of failure I have become!
See, I tried, though none-too-hard, to write 10,000 words a day over the weekend, and over this week, but I’m burning out. The book is not working the way I want it to and I just don’t have the mental stamina to try to fix it right now. I think working too fast is hurting my quality, something I didn’t believe in for writing for a long time. I got sad when I realized I probably won’t be able to write as many books as I want to this year, when, for a moment it looked possible.
Facts are bothersome things.
In general I think having big goals is helpful, but I do tend to get down when I miss them, even if it was my own choice. I really didn’t have the headspace for this book this week, especially because, however old it is, its a book I haven’t looked at for a while.
Another thing that’s disappointing me lately is my tendency to get distracted by the things that supposed to help me write, like the Podcasts and writing help books. I feel as though the more I listen to the Podcasts, like Writing Excuses and I Should be Writing, and the more I read the books I bought years ago when I was just starting out, the more I get caught up in what I ‘could’ do. That distracts me from what I’m actually doing.
I’m disappointed in myself, and whenever I get these feelings I tend to punish myself, or treat myself in bad ways (like cookies!). Basically, I just want to change my mental state, go anywhere but here, really. This cycle of setting big goals, missing them, and then reacting badly is a problem because I feel like I’ve been stuck in it for years. It gets books written, but not at the rate I want, and doesn’t allow much time for editing or anything else to do with writing. I want to sell, but I just can’t get up the nerve.
Gosh, I’m ridiculous, did I really just write all that?
I still plan on trying to finish this book in April, but gosh, between Brandon, Dan, and Howard at Writing Excuses, not to mention Mur Lafferty I’ve been overloaded with writing advice. Most of it I can use, but some of it is harder to practice than other parts. Mostly I have trouble editing and submitting, and yet, I continue to focus on writing, though I know what I really should be doing in order to sell.
Argh, very frustrated right now.