I wouldn’t want the dream handed to me…

…because what worthwhile thing can be gained easily?
I don’t know, because I’ve never gotten anything meaningful for only a little effort. In fact, I bet most people haven’t.

Why, then, have I expected my first really good book to be easy? Why do I worry about how long its going to take to edit Doppelganger?

I think I know why. Originally I planned to become a writer because I thought it would be an easier job than anything else. Easier–No. Right for me–Yes!

Just like the theme expressed in the Dream Theater epic song, Octavarium: I want to be what I always thought I didn’t want to be. My ambitions have gone full circle. I want to be a hard worker, a person who struggles and strives and achieves work that he can love and appreciate. I don’t want to be handed things… I’ve always felt bad about gifts, ashamed, deep down, to receive them. I’d rather give than get–That’s the sort of person I want to be.

I’ve been giving up on my dream, a dream I lose sight of as I try to achieve it.

I’m not going to let that keep happening forever. I’m going to keep my mind on my dream.

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