Some years ago I saw an interview with the comic book writer Frank Miller. He talked about writing “Sin City”. Though I don’t remember most of what he said, I do remember the circumstances in which he wrote that now-famous graphic novel. Miller made a point about mentioning how he’d been working in Hollywood at that point, and how he’d felt creatively stifled as a result. Miller talked about how he’d hidden himself away and started writing what his instinct told him he really wanted. When he was finished he ended up with something rather ground-breaking in a non-obvious way. I consider this to be a very classic artist’s story.
The point here is that Miller made himself what he wanted. I believe all people need to do this, not just creative people. To pursue one’s own path, rather than the path of pure profit is vital to one’s happiness. I don’t believe this path is always obvious. Sometimes our mind is telling us we need to do/write/be one thing but our minds are not always on top of our best interests. I believe this because it seems to make sense, but also because I want to believe it.
I was told by my professor at the beginning of the trip he led to India that I seemed to have a very noisy monkey-mind. Monkey-mind–the part of the mind that distracts from truth, from purpose. He told me mine was active, and I believe he was probably right about it.
The truth is, my monkey-mind is acting up again.
It makes me think of things I regret, and I regret a lot for being a 20-something as I am. And it makes it hard for me to write sometimes. This is what I think my problem is. I don’t know if my path leads to more regret or not.
I’ve made a fool of myself in the past.
I’ve been angry. I’ve thought evil thoughts.
What’s up with the way I regret all sorts of things others have long-since forgotten. These things aren’t important, but they annoy me and they irritate me.