Warranted Nerves

My problem isn’t the fact that my work needs criticism, though it does. My problem is that I really don’t handle criticism well. Usually I can throw an entire novel aside because I received even a little negativity about it, and most of the time when I receive criticism I don’t get just a little negativity. I get a lot.

Yes, I am probably a bit too insecure about my work. I’m too afraid of something I spent a lot of time on being terrible to write well, and I’m too dedicated to this pursuit to relax about it.

What can I say, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.

Been trying to use an alarm the past few days. Didn’t work well. So here I go, writing one of these negative posts that gets all meta on itself.

I get new criticism tonight. I wish I’d finished the book first. But its been slow going. I get new criticism, so I probably will never finish it now. I often get lazy as I move into middle of a story anyway. Pitching this book will feel merciful at this point, though I know it will be wrong if I do it.

Madness it seems, has a way to creep into my life.

Why should I abandon something I’ve worked on for three months just because some group of people I barely know probably won’t get it? Why do I beat myself up before I even know their opinions? Why do I fail to understand that the point of criticism is to make work better, not tear it down?

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. As I have the past week straight, and many times before. I am quickly learning to hope for less weird dreams, but it seems they’re back to stay, donuts and losing games and all.

Perhaps this form of poetry is tiresome, but I did once love this book. I don’t know if I love it anymore. But I must press on. I must not let the fact that what I’ve written so far might be terrible stop me. I must face fear rather than run from it. I must face my embarrassment at being unskillful in my delivery methods. I must. I must. I must.

I must remember why I’m writing this book in the first place. For me writing is an act of discovery. And the act of discovering a different universe and different people is enjoyable, even if it isn’t alway easy.
* * *

Thought for the day: Don’t end in the same mindset which you began unless that mindset is truly beautiful.

Animal of the day: Golden Lion Tamarin
Because even a monkey can also be a lion.


2 thoughts on “Warranted Nerves

  1. Don’t ever give up on yourself or your dreams. You have to believe in yourself before others will believe in you. You can do this, you’ve been a writer for years. People give you criticism because that’s what people do, they need to feel ownership over something they could never do themselves. It’s not a bad thing, it’s a human thing. Why are you letting it upset you? Because you are doubting yourself. Stop the self-doubt and the criticism will seem more constructive. Easy to say, hard to do. But you are a writer, Tim, believe it.

    • Thanks for the vote of confidence. It turned out not to be such a problem as I thought it would. You’re right about self doubt, and I have way too much of it at the moment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.