Yesterday, last week, last year… Time gets the better of me much of the time. The future remains uncertain in the most defined way. No one is sure what comes next.
Without our pasts what are human beings? And can we really understand history, personal or otherwise?
I’m feeling philosophical today, obviously. The root of this, I don’t know, but I spent a lot of time yesterday talking to two different friends from college. In general I’ve been trying to ask fewer questions related to that time, but talking to people who shared it with me has made me consider the way I was, and how I appeared to others back then. I think it was miles better than High School, but still far from the way I’d prefer to be perceived. I don’t know if I can dig out details at the moment, but suffice to say their were moments in college where I regret being the way I was at the time.
All that’s in the past, but it still informs my life today. I have a lot to do, but never so much I couldn’t do more.
My future is still very open, but I sometimes feel possibility being constricted by the things I fear.
“I should…” is one curse.
“I can’t…” is another.
“I should write.” “I can’t write.”
This is the bullshit I live right now. Still I get some things done. My dreams are not so far-fetched that those curses must prove unbreakable. Even so, I feel them hemming me in. And its all I can do to persevere in spite of them. I’m going to find a new way to thrive.
No “should”. No “can’t”.
* * *
Thought for the day: Freedom is a blessing, but also a responsibility.
Animal of the day: Gray Wolf
Because being hungry makes you a better hunter.
Yesterday’s Words: (Back to the novel)
“That means there won’t be any way for us to get out either,” Yajain said.
The sounds of fighting came closer. Shots flurried, thundered, seared. There has to be more than twenty of them.