Anger

The problem I have, in part, is that I never really got over my anger, though it has subsided into the background with its original source removed from my life. The original source no longer matters, for I have become the source of this rage, as well as its only real target.

This anger is one reason I am slow at my craft. I frequently get distracted by thoughts that focus on people I haven’t seen in years. The mess I created now transcends any actual harm done by those I see as the original cause. Its my fault now, completely, wholly.

This anger is akin to some kind of madness. I feel it when I sleep. I’m the villain in half my dreams.

This anger is my anchor, dragging me down. I must break the chain so I can sail away. Because until I can be free I’ll always have to struggle against its weight.

I know why I feel so frustrated, and why this anger afflicts me. I am alone here most of the time, and I’ve always thought too much.

My forgiveness is for more than just those I perceived as the wrongdoers who made me angry in the first place. I must forgive my own tenacious lacks. My own anger. My own weakness. All must be passed if I am to achieve my goal. I have ideas. But ideas have never solved my problems before. If anything, I’ve only ever exacerbated my situation by trying. So here I am. Ready to forget my mind so I can move on.

* * *

Thought for the day: Forgetting isn’t always bad.

Animal of the day: The earthworm
Because it has multiple hearts and apparently no brain.

Album of the Day: Aion by Dead Can Dance
I’m listening to this one for the first time today. I enjoy a number of Dead Can Dance songs, and am now working my way through their catalog little by little.

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One thought on “Anger

  1. Wow! I don’t know what has caused your anger, but I can totally relate to this. For me, one of the most freeing things was my ability to accept that some of the things I hold onto — the detriment of my own health — are justified. Sometimes we have a right to be angry. We have a right to pissed off. And feeling angry about certain situations isn’t always something we should feel guilty about. I beat myself up for many years because I felt angry — for being ill, for not being what others thought I should be, for not being a “good enough” or faithful enough person — and when I stopped beating myself up, a LOT of that anger slowly began to slip away. But every situation and every person is different. What helps one person doesn’t always help another. Nice posting — and thought provoking.

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