The problem I have, in part, is that I never really got over my anger, though it has subsided into the background with its original source removed from my life. The original source no longer matters, for I have become the source of this rage, as well as its only real target.
This anger is one reason I am slow at my craft. I frequently get distracted by thoughts that focus on people I haven’t seen in years. The mess I created now transcends any actual harm done by those I see as the original cause. Its my fault now, completely, wholly.
This anger is akin to some kind of madness. I feel it when I sleep. I’m the villain in half my dreams.
This anger is my anchor, dragging me down. I must break the chain so I can sail away. Because until I can be free I’ll always have to struggle against its weight.
I know why I feel so frustrated, and why this anger afflicts me. I am alone here most of the time, and I’ve always thought too much.
My forgiveness is for more than just those I perceived as the wrongdoers who made me angry in the first place. I must forgive my own tenacious lacks. My own anger. My own weakness. All must be passed if I am to achieve my goal. I have ideas. But ideas have never solved my problems before. If anything, I’ve only ever exacerbated my situation by trying. So here I am. Ready to forget my mind so I can move on.
* * *
Thought for the day: Forgetting isn’t always bad.
Animal of the day: The earthworm
Because it has multiple hearts and apparently no brain.
Album of the Day: Aion by Dead Can Dance
I’m listening to this one for the first time today. I enjoy a number of Dead Can Dance songs, and am now working my way through their catalog little by little.