Curses

We bear our genetics and our upbringing and everything they entail together. Within nature and nurture there are both blessings and curses. Mostly these differences aren’t so bad to be worth noting here, but lately I wonder if its really fair to say that my genes or my upbringing made me the way I am.

My mother has often told the story that always rings a bell when I hear it. It’s about how, when my twin brother and I were children and doing small activities she would praise one of us, and the other would ask. “So you don’t like mine?”

Because the praise of others could cut me deep then. I like to think I’m over it now, but for years that was how I treated compliments. If I didn’t get the compliment, but someone else did, I took it as a put down. Is that jealousy genetic, or is it programmed through conditioning? I don’t know. Could there be some other source of it? Perhaps.

Regardless, it made my mother unhappy to always have her compliments second-guessed. Eventually she stopped giving them when others were around. I know its a small thing, but that kind of thing shapes a life. My life.

I look back and I see the changes that led me here. Funny enough, I consider where I’m at to be a pretty good place, even though I’m frequently unhappy with myself for being here. This may not be related to my earlier words today, but its the manner of dissatisfaction that always afflicts me. But if I realize that all the paths I’ve walked have led me here and made me who I am perhaps I’d be more content. For I’m getting better.

Because no curse is unbreakable.

If I couldn’t stand other people being complimented, and that was my curse, I’ve surpassed its troubles now. Today I still spend too much time evaluating myself as compared to other people, even people I haven’t seen in a long time. But that too is improving. Because when I look at myself I see someone who has improved a great deal in a short period of time.

To press on is my goal.

* * *

Thought for the day: Time is the enemy of humanity, but also holds our only hope.

Animal of the day: The Leech
Because a parasite can be mistaken for a healer.

Album of the Day: Seventh Son of a Seventh Son by Iron Maiden
What can I say? I love Iron Maiden and I love concept albums. This combination really works for me. And the fact that its a dark supernatural concept? So much the better.

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