What was never Understood

I have many notebooks lying around. How many? Try in the dozens, or perhaps around a hundred. There are a lot. Most of them are filled with pages of scrawled notes and tables for old Roleplaying Game ideas or fantasy or science fiction settings. Most of them I have forgotten the specific contents. The more recent of these notebooks also contain notes on process, on how to write faster, on motivation: A trail of breadcrumbs I might have left if my memory ever faded. And my memory has faded.

The lessons and worlds I have recorded in these notebooks do not hold the information I need to reengage with fiction writing. Though not for lack of trying I never understood my process as well as I’d like. These past few months I have thought more about it than ever. Lessons have been learned. Thoughts have been had. Memories have been solidified.

Through the madness that is struggle I have plowed.
Over book and screen and image I have pored.
I have turned pages, shuffled paper, delved into copies of obscure folders a decade old.
How can I know when I have found the answer that I never understood before?

A lesson can be taught, but it is up to the student to learn it. I may have done well in school, but I don’t think I was a truly responsible student. I learned too easily. So I didn’t pick up the art of learning as well. The ability to learn without someone pointing out the important details for me is not one with which I am overly skilled.

Through this mess of transformation I go. I will proceed until I know. And I will enjoy the madness.

* * *

Thought for the day: Look back only to guide you forward.

Album of the day: The Final Frontier by Iron Maiden
When this album came out in 2010 I thought it would probably be the last Iron Maiden album. That would have been pretty much okay… after this one rocked so hard. It’s fewer, longer tracks, but just about all of them are gold. For the old fans, imagine an album that is pretty much all Power Slave to Rime of the Ancient Mariner in length. And it works. Sweet mother of mercy it works for me.


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