Patience Again

I rush through life at snail’s pace. Only rarely do I have the patience to see my tasks through to glorious completion, or even through large checks. Self-employed, this is a lethal flaw.

Patience must become part of my life.

I’ve written frequently about my writing on this blog, but its always been a matter of how much I can do or how fast the words stream onto the page. The time I spend at it is abysmally small lately. I was more active at pursuing this goal when I was in high school. Perhaps that was because I knew implicitly I was only at the beginning. Today I feel as though I’ve been at the task for a long time.

However, things will take even longer. There is no ‘maybe’ about this. My career has not yet really begun. I am still a freelancer. I am not a published fiction writer in my own right. But more importantly I must work toward this goal every day to make it real.

I have been freelancing. And the work is crushing me with despair. I fear with every freelance job that I will lose sight of my mission. My true goal is to tell my own stories, not those of others. But contracts are contracts. And I will make good on them.

Both works must be done, both mine and the client’s. Today cannot be solely for the client. Tomorrow cannot be solely for me. I have never had the kind of patience that will allow me to deny my dream a whole twenty four hours. When I was in India three years ago without a computer to type on, I filled page after page with my illegible scrawl. Reality is the world we create. And creation takes time.

Time must be treated not as a harsh master, but as a reliable servant. I see this as the challenge of my days for the foreseeable future. Manage time effectively so as not to curse at its passing.

So, Patience will help my stick to my tasks so as not to waste my hours on unreasonably long breaks. And I will type down words for myself and for my clients. I have a job to do. And I will empty myself of ego if that’s what the job takes to complete.

I have heard many times that the writer must be truly egotistical to make new worlds and so on. I do not agree with that. Someone who puts words together can be as humble as a pine needle if that is what is necessary for their work. Ego may be common among writers, but it is hardly the clearest toll to write with from the mind. Determination is far more important.

And of course, patience.

* * *

Thought for the day: Patience must start with oneself.

Album of the day: American Recordings by Johnny Cash
First Cash I listened to years ago. This is pretty dark subject-matter wise. Perhaps that appealed to my inner metal head. Either way, this one has some excellent songs and Johnny Cash is just plain great for the most part.

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